Damn

Ever thought you could do something effortlessly but it turned out to be a chore?
Ever thought nothing you did worked?

Boy,

Teach me. Teach me how to walk away the way you do. With your head held high and with ur pride intact. Teach me how not to recall happy times or even normal ones. Teach me how not to let everything remind me of you. Teach me how to smile and pretend tt everything is fine. Teach me how to get used to this.

Because I can't. Since the day I said I love you, I have stayed falling. Even when I thought I hit the bottom, you do something to make me love you even more. It doesn't take much to make me weak at the knees and fluttering inside. Its just you being you that I cannot come to terms with losing.

No one can understand how I feel. Yes, I deserve this because I chose to stay in this cycle. Yes, I got no right to cry because I brought this upon myself. Yes, I shld hv expected this because everyone warned me. Yes, I shldn't be posting this.

But fuck everything. If you knew just half of the confusion I am in. If you suffered just a third of the pain. If you saw the hopelessness I see, perhaps you would care abit more. I was afterall your friend wasn't I?

I was there when you were sick and needy. I was there when you were lonely. I was there simply because I wanted to be and nothing cld keep me away. But when will it be my turn?

I need you boy. Forget what I said about knowing what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want. I just know it sucks to wait for my caller ID to pop out your name. And how I prance for the phone each time a msg beeps.

I don't need you to love me. I don't need you to be anyone special. I don't ask for much. Maybe I am just in shock tts all.

Please.